Awakening of Spiritual Awareness (19)
Cultivation. Its power and self-power. Sharing personal experiences. Seven years ago, I had no concept of cultivation at all. By chance, I came into contact with spontaneous energy work.
After practicing for a little over a month, I went a bit crazy. Now I can’t even remember where the information came from. It seemed like a voice. I secluded myself for a month. I really rarely went out, except to drop off and pick up my children from school, buy groceries, or when instructed by my invisible teacher to go out for specific tasks. Other than that, I stayed at home. Every day there were morning classes, afternoon classes, and sometimes even evening classes. Besides the main deities—Buddhas and Bodhisattvas—there were also spirits from the void that appeared in my practice. Each deity taught me something different. The process was filled with wonder and magic that captivated me. At that time, there was no fear; instead, there was a bit of madness. It felt like my body was not under my conscious control but rather guided by another force. For instance, during class transitions, I had to kneel to receive blessings from the Bodhisattvas; it felt as if my knees weren’t mine—they would just hit the floor directly. This happened at least seven or eight times a day and sometimes as many as seventeen or eighteen times. Amazingly, there wasn’t even a bruise on my knees. Once, perhaps to strengthen my confidence, I was instructed to help an elder with their health condition—and surprisingly, I could do it (sorry, can’t go into too much detail). Before long, the one-month period was over; the deities said it was time to return and that if fate allowed it, we would meet again—just reminding me to take care of myself. At that moment, waves of bittersweet emotions surged within me as I returned to conscious control afterward; it felt like something had been lost then—a mix of fear “anxiety,” doubt “confusion,” helplessness “despair,” all arose simultaneously within me. What is panic? Only those who have experienced it know? Doubts began to surface in my mind: Was I going crazy? Why did I lock myself away for a month doing things beyond ordinary consciousness? Yet it seemed like an unseen force was guiding me all along—some familiar or unfamiliar fellow practitioners visited me and revealed things I’d never seen before which gave me confidence; gradually the panic in my heart began to dissolve.
In the first half of the month before going crazy, I dug out sutras that had been hidden away for over twenty years—the Platform Sutra and an anthology of the Diamond Sutra—and tried reading them again but couldn’t finish even two readings because my mind was in chaos at that time. Later on, seeking answers led me to bring back Zen and Buddhist classics from the temple’s bookstore; reading these scriptures became part of my life routine. Sometimes while reading one translation of a scripture there might only be one sentence that resonated with my state of mind at that moment; thus accumulating sentence by sentence helped calm down my heart gradually—not feeling so anxious anymore—and slowly forming some clarity about what lay ahead as well as exploring Daoist and Confucian classics further on top of this practice which became even more profound through recitation practices initially driven by urgency—only two words: “hurry” and “retrieve.” The scriptures I’d brought back amounted to over fifty Buddhist and Daoist texts; at that time all I wanted was simply to read each book once through quickly without any methodical approach whatsoever—but after several days this made me breathless! Though fast-paced recitation could not last long naturally—it became slower over time until now where reading one copy of “Universal Gateway” takes about an hour per verse while reciting either “Diamond Sutra” or “Medicine Master Sutra” takes around three hours each—it feels very natural now rather than forced effortful pacing! Initially while reciting thoughts from past experiences would occasionally arise but nowadays perhaps finishing one scripture without any thought crossing through is quite common! Throughout this process during recitation—a powerful force within guided me—the mouth spoke without intention while sound flowed naturally from deep within! Sometimes sounding like thunderous bells or sometimes resembling Bodhisattva’s solemn teaching voice or disciples respectfully requesting teachings—all emanating effortlessly from myself—not directed by conscious will but rather stemming forth from profound inner strength! Thus reading scriptures allowed insight into causes leading towards faith arising enabling tranquility whilst calming down chaotic thoughts allowing less distraction.
Recently someone asked how they should cultivate since everyone’s objective environment varies along with actual circumstances differing due various conditions affecting their innate nature differently hence no single method can universally apply effectively across individuals instead requires self-reflection identifying flaws recognizing them believing deeply in one’s inherent strength leading towards appropriate methods emerging naturally rather than blindly seeking practices running around aimlessly! Therefore documenting seven years’ worth experiences into written form sharing insights with those awakening spiritually may provide assistance furthering understanding! Moreover cultivating oneself serves as one’s own temple establishing peace within home transforming into serene sanctuary ultimately achieving fulfillment—isn’t this cultivation itself?
by – Teacher Liu Hongming